point is, you don't ask.

if you're in trouble, jail, sick, your grandmother dies, i'm there - even if you tell me i don't need to be. i don't ask, i just be there. because that's what a fiancé does. they are there when you need them, and even when you think you don't.

so i'm just sayin'. maybe next time i have chest pains and it hurts to breathe and im home alone so i ask you to come over and sleep here incase anything happens (since you're up and it's a 10 minute walk away and you don't work tomorrow), maybe you should just come over instead of saying no 20 times over and being a jackass that doesn't care if his fiancé dies in her sleep.

which, i almost hope i do, just to show you how much of a rotten jerk you are.

ps. call you in the morning? LMAO. what a joke. fuck that!

A lot of these pics are similar because it's the same shoot as the Mike shoot....there was just two photographers. hahaa. anyway. kinda despise the fact that they asked me to keep my mouth open in every picture......but despite, they are not too bad. :]

here are mike's half of the pics. i havent seen aruna's yet. some of these are good...others not so much lol. but hey! i'm starting to get the hang of it!
                                                 
                                                                               

I did a photoshoot with Mike and Aruna in a studio in hull last night. It was supposed to take place at the RA centre, but they accidentally double booked our room, so we ended up having to move our party at the last minute and find a different studio. It was a long shoot (almost 5 hours), but I had a lot of fun! It will be a few weeks before I see any pics/get my CD, but Aruna did send me a sample pic last night...so here it is!

I feel like I haven't checked my LJ in ages. Probably because I haven't. But I got some new photos to post so....Here I am, lol. These ones are from the Shannon Series. I hope to see more from the KFP series soon, but I may not see them until they premiere on the website June 5th! I wish Kyle was here to see these....Sadface. My BFF is gone :[ . But anyway. Here are the photos, as promised:

              

i hated this outfit but atleast the pic turned out well despite the swollen lip!!!

So, it is official...as of yesterday, I am now what they call a "King's Girl".
I did a series of shoots yesterday that lasted about 3.5 hours [despite the fact that my face is swollen from smashing it on a sidewalk...but that's a whole other story....] for King's Full Productions. I will be on a website that premieres June 5th. Which reminds me, there is a partay downtown Friday, June 5th at the Bayou to celebrate the premiere of the website so...Come one, come all! If i do a follow-up shoot with them next month, I will be making $20/hour. And $40/hour for the following one after that. And so on, and so forth. [Yay for paid work!]. Matt said he would send me a few sample photo's tonight...which is exciting. I hope they turn out well!! I saw a few on the photogapher's cam and the infra-red ones look effin sweet. Not to mention I used my 12-string as a prop for one of the shoots. Woot woot! Anyway. I guess I could share the swollen-face story now....

So. Friday. Decided to drink...lots. Went to Ashley's then Chris dropped me off here. For some reason, I decided to bike (very drunkenly) to Kyle's. Really, it's not far. It's about a 5 minute bike-ride. And I have done this drunk before. This time I decided to go down the main roads...I was going to stop and get pizza. Well, I managed to cross the road behind my house in front of the grocery store, but I didn't quite make it all the way across the road. I tried to hop up on the sidewalk on the other side of the road with my bike. Well, apparently that curb was a little too high for my bike to handle. So this equals me, flying off my bike. I really don't know how it happened, all I remember was seeing pavement. Lol. I broke my fall with my face. That's for sure. Almost split my damn lip. Almost. I cut the inside and outside of my lip (in a straight line...if it had been a bit deeper I would have split my lip). I am now missing a large chunk of skin on my upper lip. It kills. It's still swollen today. And I am still popping advil to kill the pain. I also managed to fuck up my knuckles on my right hand, and rip my jeans on my left knee. How I managed to hit left, right, and center on my body, I will unfortunately never know. And as painful and bloody and gross as it was, I really can't feel badly about it because this is the most random and hilarious thing that has happened to me in awhile. hahaha. great story. Altho, I might change my story to "I got in a bar fight" because really, it just looks like somebody punched me in the face. But, you shoulda seen the other girl. Hahaha. I lost an earring in all that crazyness too, damnit. Heh. Ahhhh welllll.......off to shower, eat/bake cookies, and work! :]

         

         

                   
                          shoulda bent over more. dang.                           blue eyessss :]              

                      
                       this one gives me ghetto booty                                   rain splattered                                                    baby bluesss!

So Saturday was officially my first photoshoot. Not with the same photographer that I was supposed to shoot with before...but another one. I still haven't rescheduled with the first photographer...he's busy with a wedding now. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. What was I saying? Oh yeah...So I officially did my first shoot! It went very well and I got along great with the photographer. We spent about two hours or so shooting. It went by really fast. We shot until her camera battery died, lol. Anyway, I'm excited to see how they will turn out! And slightly impatient as well. She did send me one photo to see tho. She had to send me a low-res photo since the real photo would take forever to send through email. Which apparently means that the real photo will look much better than the one she sent me. Heh. I can't wait to get them all on CD. But anyway. Here's the teaser! It's not bad. The old beat up bench is my favourite part. It definitely adds flavour. :]

I believe I get to see Kyle on Sunday....
Yay snuggly movie-day date!
Oh, and I am also reallllly looking forward to Valentine's Day.
I know, I know....It's a lame, mushy-gushy holiday....
But it's my fave, besides Christmas!!!
It means that on that one day in the year,
I am GUARANTEED to have a romantic date.
I love dates.
I mean, I love snuggly-movie dates,
but I looooooove going out in public....showing off my man!
I don't like huge gifts.
And I don't want anything expensive.
I am just looking forward to maybe going for dinner or desert?
A bottle o' wine...GH? movie? or......;)?
Maybe even a rose?? ... Yes, Just one! he he
I think one is cuter than many.
I really couldn't tell you why....he he he
Anyway....
Yay Kyle on Sunday and Yay Valentine's Day!

Random side note:
I hope Kyle stays warm tomorrow as he goes skiing.
I get so worried.
I just want him to be safe.
le sigh. :\
I'm paranoid.

so here's how it goes:
lindsay is studying for her 2 exams the next day but can't focus because her surroundings are messy. the kitchen is distusting, as it usually is, and has been for well over a month since the last time she cleaned it. le sigh. lindsay starts to clean it and realizes it's actually more disgusting than she originally thought. lindsay changes her name online to: lindsay is the only one who scrubs this house so MAN is it disgusting this time! lindsay continues cleaning and after an HOUR AND A HALF of scrubbing, lindsay is finally done. peggy comments on status: pffft i've cleaned the kitchen many times. lindsay, laughs out loud and comments back with: "no i know you clean, i mean like scrub counters and cupboards and shelves and disinfect everything". peggy gets mad and sends facebook msg to me. i was not anticipating an argument since i thot it was common knowledge that im the one who scrubs things. i mean they load and unload dishwasher, sweep and take the garbage out sometimes, but when it comes down to actually SCRUBBING the house with cleaning products, that is all done by me.
peggy spilled water last weekend and went to find our mop to clean it up and she had to ask me HOW TO USE IT. i mean come on, is that not example enough? anyway. to sum it all up, i was basically bitched out (to my face and behind my back) about implying that she doesn't clean (which is dumb because i said i know she cleans i just meant full-out scrubbing shit) and she sends ppl msgs telling them that i was basically being a bitch and saying that she doesnt clean anything (which again, is a lie, since i acknowledged that she cleaned....here i'll show you:

so that was nice of her to make up shit and lie to ppl to make me look like a bitch.
she also tells me that she NEVER leaves a mess and that she ALWAYS picks up after herself.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
coooooome onnnnnnnnn like fuck off, nobody is perfect. everybody makes messes sometimes and doesn't clean them up for whatever reason - late for something, gotta study, whatever the reason we all do it...INCLUDING HER.
like come on PRINCESS, i should know i've cleaned up plenty of your messes before.
like oh i dunno, you walking with muddy footprints through the house, or how about that microwave that is disgusting that i only use to defrost food in but you use for reheating splattering pasta. last time i cleaned the kitchen (well over a month ago) i asked you or mel to clean it because i scrubbed the entire rest of the kitchen and guess what? still not done. oh and what about your gross q-tips and toilet paper balls you use to remove makeup that you left on the counter in the bathroom all last week that i refused to pick up because ewwww who knows what the hell im touching. so don't feed me "i dont leave a mess" lines. "im a princess, my shit don't stink". we all make messes, i even admitted i do it myself! i do it all the time when im running late for work. just as you and mel also leave messes sometimes, it happens for Christ sake man up and admit it! dont go talking behind my back telling people that i called you out on not cleaning for no reason and that i got kyle to write snarky comments. like i would do that! im not a bitch holy fuck! and dont tell people that i blamed you for the mess because i didnt. i take equal responsibility. but you should man up and admit its true: when it comes to cleaning our respective mess, ITS MY JOB! most of the time, i dont even mind it, but holy crap...since im the one who cleans up our mess, how underappreciated am i when you deny it? and how can you tell the person who cleans up your mess that they dont? ridonculous! and atleast when i vented about this argument to friends i just shared details of what went on. i told them not to pick a side i just needed to vent because i was upset. and i didnt sit around calling you a bitch or saying "she can go fuck herself" which is what you told your little friends. how fucking rude! you know ever since themonth before i left for calgary this year, things have been messed between us. you started ditching me and our plans for randos you'd meet at the bar. i made a girls night because you wanted one and i made it post-secret themed cause youre obsessed and do you know where little miss peggy was? of watching hockey (which she HATES) with a rando she met at the bar the weekend before (who she said gave her the "friends vibe") and completely ditched our girls night which was planned for you. then the last friday we went to gracies before i left i danced with all of my girlfriends while my fiancé was sitting at the table all night without me because i wanted to spend time with my friends before i left. and the only girl friend i didnt get to dance with? PEGGY. because she was off flirting yet again with some other rando. i dont even remember you being there that night. then there was the last night of going outness before i left. that was the worst night EVER. i wanted my closest girls and i to go downtown and drink. we ended up at the liquor store and you refused to drink because "you felt sick". you sat at the table/stood on the sidelines as the rest of us danced, texting your boy toys. like yaaaaay thank you for being sad im going and wanting to spend time with me. like fuck, we even bought you booze and you didnt appreciate it. btu yet, as soon as we got home and one of the neighbour boys asked you if you wanted a beer you said "SURE!" no hesitation. like oh...wait....i thot you were sick? so sick you couldnt even drink with your best friend on her last night in town when all she wanted to do was get trashed with her friend? in the two weeks that those events spanned out in, that was the first time i had ever been angry with you. and who wouldnt? you flat out ditched your best friend for "better things". like ouch, im not that important anymore eh? boy toys overrule? it takes a lot to make me upset and i actually cried on that last night. thank God for great friends like Leah and Lori who were there for me. I figured me being in calgary for the summer would give us time apart to fix things but you know what? not much has changed about you. i've tried to forget about it and be as great of friends like before but you know what? it sucks. all these little things you did keep popping back up at me. like when it was lori bday in september and she had setup and decorated her whole downstairs so we could all come over and predrink and we were all set to go, just waiting for your friends to get to our house so we could leave, and princess peggy didnt want to have to set foot on a public transit bus to get to loris house she she sent a text to her friends telling them to take as long as they possibly can getting to our house so that by the time they show up we wouldnt have time to go to loris. and we didnt! poor lori had to predrink by herself on her birthday. could have just told me you didnt want to go and theni could have atleast gone myself and brought her her present! wheres your consideration for others? and we used to drink beer for beer and if you had had a little more to drink than me i would catch up or vice versa. now, the only time you get trashed is with "the boys". like, im sorry i dont have a penis. you can't even afford a night dedicated to drinking with your best friend? it pisses me right off. and now this? never thought you'd go behind my back and make me out to be a bitch to everyone. or tell me to go fuck myself. but oops! you did! makes me feel so appreciated for all the shit i do around here. like you know im right anyway. take a look at our kitchen, and remind me of a time when you made it look like that? ohh...thats righ tyou cant. if you have something to say to me, say it to my face. don't pretend to be my best friend and then bitch about me behind my back. even all the times i was mad at you i never called you names to our mutual friends and i never tried to sawy them to take sides. i actually even used the words "dont take sides i just need to vent". guess that's where we differ. i dont understand how you can be so heartless. you're not always right you know. maybe you should try putting yourself in someone else position for once. GAWD.

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay 

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me 

And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go 

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay 

Cause without you I cant sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need 

And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay 

I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y08cKVZMjqg&feature=related

You've been depressed lately.
And I know you think you fail at life.
You don't know what you want to do as a career.
You can't even say what you'll be doing in a month from now.
You've tried a few things and you're still not sure what you want.
You're getting anxious.
You hate school.
You just want a career and a life.

But you're wrong.

You have parents who love you.
You have a sister, a brother in law, and and adorable baby nephew.
Your little sister is a blessing.
And you're getting married in 10 months.
You earned a diploma and university credits.
You joined the reserves and made it through the entire summer.
You've learned that you make a fantastic car salesman.
You were even an awesome Moore's salesman.
You can sing really well,
And you play a few musical intruments.
You are the best rockband drummer I have ever seen.
You are charismatic and charming.
You are quick-witted and hialrious.
And by golly, you're sexy.

You are my everything.
You make me smile.
You make me laugh.
You cheer me up when I'm feeling sad.
And even when you're being a jerk,
I still love you.
I always will.
I trust you the mostest.
And I believe in everything that you say.
I would jump off a 5 story balcony, if you told me it'd be okay.
You're my best friend and my lover.
I turn to you for everything.
You are my other half.
And if it weren't for you,
I'd still be that deathly shy little girl you met back in grade 10/11.
It is because of you that my life rocks.

So you're wrong.

You haven't failed at life.
You've made my world a better place.
You've made your family's world a better place.
You've made everyone at reserves world a better place.
Do you know how many people would fail at all the things that you have accomplished so far?
You have so many talents and abilities.
And eventually, you will use them to make the employment world a better place.
Whether you become a police officer, a security guard, a plumber, or whatever,
You will find your place in this world,
And you will be the best darn whatever this world has seen!

And in the meantime,
Remember your fiancé loves you very much
And can't wait to start having babies with you,
Because she knows that you will make the bestest Daddy ever!!

Lindsay has decided that maybe it's time to give up on her. :[ :[

It began a few months before summer this year...I thought it would be finished by now.
I am slowly coming to the sad realization that things probably won't ever be the same.
Which sucks because I really wish we could get back on track.
I had high hopes that a summer apart would fix things up.
But i think i am finally ready to give up...I have to be fair to myself, afterall.
I can't let myself stay friends with someone who doesn't care as much about our friendship as i do.
Or someone that doesn't treat me with the same respect i dish out.
Quite frankly, I am sick of being second best.
i'm sick of being blown off when "better things" come up.
i'm jealous that the things we used to do together you now save for someone else.
i can't understand your new found lack of compassion for others
and i can't understand your inability to step up to a friend in need
i can't stand the way you do what you want with little to no concern for how it affects others
and then you waltz back over and expect all to be forgiven....
i've tried to be honest and let you know that these things drive me nuts,
but all i get for that is silent treatment, apparently.
and i don't do silent treatment.
or drama for that matter.
not to mention it sure as hell doesn't help things between us.
so maybe it really is time i just gave up. :[